Day One: I write because….

It is funny how life throws you curve balls and you end up doing things you would never have seen yourself doing years ago. I am a very private person. I don’t like to be in the spotlight at all. I am taking a blogging course that has you write daily posts, so these will be shorter than my normal blogs just because they are daily.

After losing Big Bubby though, this blog site has been a refuge for me to get my feelings out. I have started a challenge where each day I am given a topic to write on. I am going to put these under Daily Writing Prompts. You are welcome to read them. I am sure some will tie into my grief journey but some may not.

I just felt as though I needed to try to write about other things besides my depressive mental status around the death of my son and this would be a good way to do that. I have never been a writer by nature. For twenty years I tried to keep a consistent journal and never have been able to until the loss of our Big Bubby. I try to write to him each day.

I also write to express my feelings. I have always been better at writing how I feel then saying how I feel. A year ago, you would have never seen my opening myself up to the world to let everyone know how I feel or what my world is like now. Maybe in some strange way, this is God’s plan for me to express myself so that those behind me on this journey can find me and find peace in some of what I write. If that is the case, the unbearable emptiness I feel daily is worth someone else finding peace they are not alone. I am so new to the grief of losing my son, I don’t know that this is helping yet, but am determined to continue on with it. If not for me, but for the thousands of others that might find it and find hope they can get to tomorrow.

Dare to Write It

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One thought on “Day One: I write because….

  1. I know how much Krisse means to you. I got a call late Wednesday night from my sister sobbing and all she could say was it “was bad”. I said is it Sunny? What is wrong? She said it was “pickles”. I had no idea what she was talking about. Turns out that was a nick name for Allie. We almost adopted Allie girl, but my nephew and his wife did. Allie came over to our house on weekends when my sister fostered her and she slept in our bed with us so we were very close to her. Kev had just came home from the ER vet and called her and told her if she wanted to see Allie she should come the next day. We were all trying to be upbeat, but it was the end. Matt at least got to see her at lunch time on Thursday. I was there by 1:30 as they had requested to wait after 2 p.m. and then I got the text to come NOW, she was getting worse. I was on my way. Allie was out of it and bleeding. However, when I sat down next to her and said her name, she wagged her tail a few times (doggy smile!) Her eyes only opened occasionally.

    I know she knew I came to say goodbye and was happy to see me if only for a few minutes. I know she is at peace and rest later that night. She was a rescue and for some reason terrified of doors. It was almost like someone slammed the door on her at a point in time. No matter what happened to her in her early life, she had people who loved her later in life and missed her tremendously!

    Not the same loss as Big Bubby in any way shape or form, but still a loss I felt very hard. You just have to keep the faith they are all in a better place.

    Like

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