We Will Never Celebrate A Holiday Again

The timing of Big Bubby’s accident presented the family with the worst kind of decisions so soon after the unexpected death of a child. We had to choose what to do about the holiday’s coming up. I knew that there was no way that we could, ourselves, fix meals and spend time with family/friends.

Casper’s parents along with so many other families in our community in Dallas asked to have our family for Thanksgiving dinner so that we didn’t have to eat out somewhere and could have a good home cooked meal. We chose to spend it with Casper’s family. They were letting Baby Sis stay with them for the last few weeks of the school semester until she graduated. Since losing her brother, she had stayed with Casper for the support she needed.

I was dreading going back to Dallas and cried most of the way back knowing we were going back to one less child. Cowgirl’s dad had graciously allowed us to use their guest house again while we were in town as we had left some items at the house that we couldn’t carry on the plane with us and they didn’t have anyone staying in it. Again it was nice to have someplace to go to decompress after being around everyone for a long period of time.

Thanksgiving day we spent most of it at Casper’s. Watching football and eating. It was nice when we ate as I had brought a couple of photos of Big Bubby with me and we sat him on the buffet in the dining room with us so that he was with us while we ate.

After Thanksgiving weekend, we drove back to New Orleans and tried to go back to some sort of normal whatever that “new normal” was to us now. My husband and I have been married 22 years and had planned our first cruise months before we lost Big Bubby. We planned to go over our anniversary which is in early December. After the accident, we had to decide whether or not to go. Everyone said go, you will enjoy it and it will be good to get away from all the reality for a few days. So off we went.

We enjoyed as much as you can after burying a child. It was a short cruise only 4 days so that helped as well since we weren’t gone long. We met a really nice singer who we followed all over the ship where he was playing because he was a country singer and after the first night, knew our story. We also met a couple of people that live not too far from us in New Orleans that we have met up with and had dinner with. So maybe that was our son telling us it was OK for us to go on the trip and to go on with our lives.

After returning to New Orleans from our trip, I went back to work. Million Dollar Brother and Baby Sis were now both living together in Lubbock. Baby Sis had graduated from high school while we were on our cruise. She will go back in June to walk with her class but for purposes of high school she was done so we found a house for the two of them to live in together. We knew that they would need to be together after what happened and asked the college for an exemption to the living on campus rule due to the loss of Big Bubby. The college allowed the exemption and they now live off campus together.

We haven’t decided and obviously have plenty of time between now and then how we will spend holiday’s this year. The only thing we do know for sure that we are all going on a cruise next summer somewhere together.

Holiday’s will never be celebrated the same or at all in our household again in the same ways as before. Too many memories are there to be able to continue with the traditions we had. New ways to “celebrate” if you will call it that will be have to be thought of.

To those who think that we should, think of it this way, every year knowing you have three kids and only get to see two on the holidays. You can’t buy the third a gift, no place to take it, can’t call, no place to call. Your holiday  now consists of driving to a cemetery to say hello and spend time with the third child. Most family don’t want to do that, a year into the loss and most family have tried to move on with their lives in some way or the other.

So for us, we will play the upcoming holiday season at the end of the year, day by day to see where we end up and what we end up doing.

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Christmas in our new house
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Christmas with Papa
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Growing up throughout the years
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Picture with Santa

 

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5 thoughts on “We Will Never Celebrate A Holiday Again

  1. I am sorry for your loss.

    You can read my story if you’d like. It’s in the About menu on my blog.

    We have had three holidays seasons since The Accident. Our son was born on Christmas Eve. We still host an open house, just as we did for years. Some who come know it’s Andrew’s birthday and quietly say something. Others do not. It helps me to continue with this tradition.

    Since The Accident, we have had strangers stay with us for Christmas. We’ve had folks come who had no family to be with that evening. It is my way of honoring our son, who was kind, generous and never knew a stranger.

    I pray you will find new traditions, new ways to celebrate. We have. And it helps us heal.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Small world. I live in Lubbock. Your children may have seen my son’s accident on the news. He was in a one car roll over on February 5th/6th. Hunter Ryan Patterson. 19 years old. If your children ever need anything. I will certainly try to help. Please don’t hesitate to ask. I know that may be a little weird l, a stranger, but honestly I’m here to help. Thanks for this blog. Honest feelings help others who are also thinking and feeling the same way but just don’t know if they should tell anyone about them. But during grieving I’ve learned that everything is normal and you are not crazy.

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      1. Thank you. Horrible nightmare we live in. I’ve been looking for a blog when I came upon yours. You’ve inspired me to write one of my own. I write daily to my Hunter. This helps me deal with all the emotions going on.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Sweetie, Thanks so much for sharing your blog with me earlier tonight. I have been reading it nonstop since you sent it. I have learned so much more than I knew before. Getting your feelings out has to be helpful and I am so glad you found this outlet. That last pic you posted is exactly how I will always remember all the kids even though they grew up. It was just “picture perfect”!! Love Ya!

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